Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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