i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
