so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
