absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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