Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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