If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
