So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
