im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
