life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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