it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
