He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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