i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
