so that wasnt chicken after all
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
