Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Boobs speak an international language.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
