it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
