Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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