my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize