And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
