i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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