I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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