you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
