the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
