I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
