Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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