Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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