Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
