Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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