John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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