Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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