Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
