Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
