Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
