life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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