this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
