It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
