He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize