a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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