Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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