My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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