fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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