I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
