All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize