...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
