just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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