Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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