last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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