I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
