Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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