Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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