Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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