i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
