I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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