ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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