Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
