is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
