Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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