PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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