I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
