Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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