I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
