ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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