you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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