Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
