I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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