waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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