i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
