just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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