I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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