So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
